1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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