I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
