You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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