Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
