I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
