Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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