Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
