She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
