I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
