It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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