I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Please don't give away my fajitas
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
