a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize