dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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