By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
