so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
