I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
