Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he shaved USA in his pubs
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
