he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
