I like my sex mixed with concussions.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
