ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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