please come you make the beer taste better
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
