I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
