I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
