You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
