I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
