Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
