OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
