She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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