u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
