My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
