I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think people are normalizing furries
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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