May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
