We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There's always time for handjobs
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
