I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
