He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Don't tell me you're on acid again
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
