What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
