ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
People in love make me want to vomit
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
A+ Viking dick
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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