You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
