Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
