I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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