I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
