if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
