Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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