WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
