fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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