Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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