I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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