im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
