Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
