I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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