Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
