Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
