We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize