there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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