we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
