I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize