I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
home. puking in laundry basket.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
