bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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