you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
