So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
