No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
