dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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