Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
