I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
D3 body, D1 cock
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
