life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
