he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
