Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize