I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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