Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
