did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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