I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
