I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
