Rock
Scissors
Fuck
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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