your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
A bitchslap is in order.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
